Colin the Blogger


Everyone wants to be the sun to brighten up someone's life, but why not be the moon, to shine on someone's darkest hour?

It is time to talk more about mental health awareness #endthestigma #mentalhealthmatters

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My Last Day On Earth.

As it is World Suicide Prevention Day it seemed like an appropriate time for this blog post. The theme this year is “Working Together to Prevent Suicide.” So if anyone could share this blog post to get it out there I will be extremely grateful. Over 800,000 people take their own life each year so it is important to raise awareness and get people the help they need. If you are a relative or close friend, you may wish to stop reading this blog post as I will be talking about t

The amazing Lady J

The first time I ever realised I was depressed was straight after I got married. All of the excitement had dwindled down, there was no 'big thing' to look forward to. It felt like I had ticked off everything on my list and now I just existed. I was very happy with where I was in life, but suddenly all the years of doing stuff, moving home, marriage and such all kind of stopped suddenly. For the first time I could just stop, take a breath, look back at the last ten years of my

Deaf at Defqon.1

So before I became fat and old. (32 is ancient in gay years) I actually went out and did exciting things. One of those thing was an incredible music festival in The Netherlands. Defqon.1 Defqon.1 is held annually in the Netherlands, organised by Q-dance and plays hardstyle music and other similar genres. It's where I discovered my love for loud bangy music, hot European men and Bacardi. It was back in June 2011 when me and my friend went. Those 9 years seem like an age ago. T

Train station blues.

There's always been one day of my life that I keep forgetting about, which is odd because it has played such a big part on the reasons I have anxiety issues. Maybe I've pushed it that far back that it's just become irrelevant. Even when I was at counselling I didn't mention it. Whatever the reason it's story time... May 2006, Age 18 Today would be the first time I would go to a gay bar. I was totally pumped. Group of single gays surrounded by more single gays. What was not t

Sweet Caroline.

Other than winning Strictly Come Dancing and bonking Harry Styles what I know about Caroline Flack is incredibly minimal. But when someone with a beautiful smile and a clear zest for life takes their life in such a horrible way it really hits me in the heart, so here we are with a new blog post. Unfortunately we are living in a world full of invisible illnesses and often things get overlooked or people get left behind. It is so easy to slap on a smile, put on a brave face, co

Never look back.

One thing I have had to learn the hard way is that the further back to the past I look, the harder it is to move forward. Life is a constant progression, and no matter how awful the hurdles are to get over, you just have to keep soldiering through. I often think about people who used to be a part of my life, whom I loved dearly, wishing I could just click my fingers and start over. But really would this work? As amazing as it would be to bring back the good times, I fear if a

Keeping the smile going.

Everyday I stick a smile on my face and soldier through. I'm generally a happy, upbeat kind of guy, but for a large chunk of my life the smile is forced on to cover up how I really feel. Has anyone ever been in a room full of people and felt incredibly lonely? This happens to me all the time. I get a sense that I don't belong. At first it upset me, so I just stuck a smile on my face and carried on. However growing up I've come to realise that even though I feel alone, I don't

Just the beginning.

For the majority of my life I have lived in isolation, every day surrounded by people but feeling more and more alone. Every Morning I would wake up, put on a fake smile and crack on with my day the best I could until eventually it became a routine and I continued without even realising I was doing. For the best part of my 20's I didn't tell a soul how I felt, I was so down in the dumps all the time, I felt ashamed of who I was and how I was feeling. But one day I broke and i


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