I don’t really have a direction for this post. I’m just going to talk about the goings on in my head. I find writing blog posts a really nice outlet, it gets things out of my head and lets me move forward.
Here’s a photo of me, just in case you forgot what I look like.
Generally for me this year has been rather pleasant. I know the world is on its knees and there is chaos everywhere you look. But mentally I am the strongest I have ever been and I feel like I am in a really good place. There’s been a couple of blips however. Sometimes I find myself thinking the dark thoughts I used to feel. I will be going out my normal day but in the back of my mind I just want to die. It is strange because I don’t feel depressed or down. In fact the total opposite. I can be at total peace with life, having a nice day, but still feel like I don’t want to be here anymore.
Some days I feel like I could happily fall asleep and never wake up. I look up at the sky and think how lovely it would be to just float away and vanish. I just want to be at peace and leave the chaos of life behind me. But all at the same time I feel quite happy, almost like I am happy with what I have achieved here and I’m ready to move on.
Now and again I say these things out loud to people in conversation and I immediately think... Colin just stop you sound crazy. But I can’t be the only one?
I feel like sometimes I am not quite wired up right and that causes my thought process to be a bit off. With all that being said, these thoughts float out of my head as quickly as they entered.
Look it’s me again. Double the vanity in one post.
Another thing I have noticed in recent months (largely in part to what friends have pointed out) is that my moods flip about quite frequent. Some days I want to be everyone’s friend like a gay Mother hen. Then other days I hate the world and everyone it. It’s almost like I have the good and bad conscience on my shoulders pulling me each way.
I’ve learnt to just embrace my quirks and even though I confuse myself I just accept and carry o.
Long term I am hoping that by writing these posts I will come to understand myself more.
Well I think that is all for my ramblings today. I am sure there will be plenty more to come. Feel free to drop a message and leave some random thoughts of your own.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I am alwaysbhere if anyone needs a chat.
See you next time