One thing I have had to learn the hard way is that the further back to the past I look, the harder it is to move forward. Life is a constant progression, and no matter how awful the hurdles are to get over, you just have to keep soldiering through.
I often think about people who used to be a part of my life, whom I loved dearly, wishing I could just click my fingers and start over. But really would this work? As amazing as it would be to bring back the good times, I fear if a friendship is destined to end, then it will just end.
I've hurt a lot of people along my journey, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. Pushing people away seems to be something I am really good at. If I could write a letter to all the people I've hurt and apologise I would. Life has moved on and so should I.
A lot of my life has been wasted on looking back and trying to correct past mistakes, beating myself up on situations that were totally out of my control, praying that I could change them. Unfortunately life throws us curve balls and some of them will hurt.
Only recently one of my closest friendships has broken down and I fear it may be not be repairable. It hurts like hell that it has gone so badly, but if the past is anything to go by I need to let it go and move forward. I'm not entirely sure why it went so bad, but right now that doesn't matter. What matters now is that I pick myself up and move forward.
I have some amazing memories that will remain a part of me for as long as I live, but just because one relationship has broken down it doesn't mean I can't make more memories. Maybe things will heal in time, maybe they won't,either way I have no regrets and I am glad I got chance to meet the people I have. Sometimes we grow apart and no longer function healthily together and the only thing left to do is move our separate ways.
If anyone is reading this that I have hurt, please accept my apologies. I will do better.
Moving forward I look positively to the future. I know some amazing people and I know we will have great times together. I look forward to new people entering my life, and making some lovely memories together.
Thankyou for taking the time to read this.