Talking to my younger self.
Hey guys. It's been a while, but I am back in the driver seat and ready to type like never before. Hope you are all well and staying safe.
I've decided this blog post will be similar to what Ru Paul does at the end of season with his queens. He holds up a photo of each queen as a child and asks them, if they could say anything to your younger self, what would that be? I always find this segment really emotional and as I am a sucker for anything soppy I figured i'd give it a go.
So here goes....
5 year old Colin
Firstly if you think you look ridiculous now, you just wait until you get to the stag do. Secondly the big forehead and flappy ears are never going away so just own them and wear hats... always.
Unfortunately life isn't always going to be smiles and camp fun. School will be a drain, people will be shit. But don't worry because the people you grow up with don't matter. Long game they won't be a part of your life and half them you won't even remember their names.
When you hit 19 things will take a severe turn for the worse. Events will accumulate and hit you hard. You will feel like there is no one left to talk to and that a future Colin is unlikely to make it. You will feel very alone and very afraid. Cry a lot, hurt yourself in ways you never imagined and be left crushed by the ones you hold close.
Just know that is not all your fault, stay strong, cry, do what you need to do to get through these hard times. It will seem to last forever but in reality it is a small chapter of your life that will lead to bigger and better things.
When the pile of ass that is your teens fades into a distant memory things will start to pick up. You will learn a lot about yourself and the reasons for the way you react the way you do. People will come and go in life, it will be heart breaking at times to see close friends leave you. But know that for every door that closes there's another bitch ready to open up another door and take their place. Having a great number of friends and being the most popular actually doesn't matter. When you learn to love yourself and embrace all your quirks that is when you will flourish. The best friends are the ones who accept you at your worst and don't judge.
If there is one piece of advice I can give you in your adult years that would be not to judge anyone. You never know what is going on in somebody else's head. No matter how 'together' somebody seems, inside you don't know what battles they are fighting. You should know you are the master of disguise.
First photo I took of Buster.
When you hit 23 a giant whirlwind of gay will come into your life. You won't be looking for it, you won't be expecting it, but you will certainly need it and he will save your life.
No matter what happens to you in your life, he will be the glue that holds you together. He will be your rock and your soulmate. He will always be thee to comfort you. He will accept you for the good the bad and the down right ugly. He is the most amazing person you will ever meet and the only person that matters. He is a sensitive soul so remember to look after him and tell him every day how much you mean to him.
You will both get your happy ending. It will just take a little time.
Finally... Stop eating everything. It is okay to say no to cake. Portion size is everything.
Thankyou for reading.
I'm interested to know what you would say to your younger self.
Feel free to leave a response in the comments. We are stronger together.
Colin xo
#mentalhealthawareness#mhblogger#endthestigma#itsokaynottobeokay#bekind
