The first time I ever realised I was depressed was straight after I got married. All of the excitement had dwindled down, there was no 'big thing' to look forward to. It felt like I had ticked off everything on my list and now I just existed. I was very happy with where I was in life, but suddenly all the years of doing stuff, moving home, marriage and such all kind of stopped suddenly. For the first time I could just stop, take a breath, look back at the last ten years of my life and process everything that I had gone through to that point.
I clocked in at work, just a usual day. I'm stood working with my friend 'Lady J' just going through the motions. God knows what we are talking about, just rambling about nothing more than likely. Then suddenly I throw out my entire life story at her. She stands there and listens, doesn't judge once. Once I am done she says 'Colin, you need help'. At first I don't understand what she means. I never felt like anything was wrong. But over the next few days and weeks she constantly checks in on me, makes sure I'm okay and encourages me to find help and get myself sorted.
I've found that help comes in the most unlikely of places. Whilst me and Lady J were great friends and have a lot of happy memories together, she wasn't someone who I ever really confided in. But from this day she changed my life, maybe even saved my life. She will always have a huge place in my heart.
Another thing I have realised since opening up and talking more is that I am not alone, far from it. People were approaching me both online and in real life talking to me about their mental health problems. To my surprise it was very rarely people I expected it to be. Either way it is comforting knowing that there are other people in the same boat as you.
I'm not sure about you, but I have found it easier talking to people that I'm not close to. Maybe this is why I found Lady J so easy to open up to.
I hope you all find your Lady J. If you are reading this and are bottling things inside. Please don't. Go and speak to someone. It may save your life.
As always thankyou for reading. Don't be shy leave a message
Colin xo